Unmasking looks like … wearing the right sized shoes

I have big feet. I have always worn shoes which are slightly too small. I’m not sure where I picked up that my feet are “too big” - no one ever said that directly to me. I’m not sure where I picked up that shoes a size smaller were “acceptable” - no one ever told me that either. I do know that I have been buying shoes which are a bit too small for me for years. My shoes are often tight, uncomfortable but they look right. It feels absurd to type that out loud.

And. Then. The other day I was shoe shopping with my 12 year old. She has the same size feet as me already. She tried on a pair of shoes and then wanted to try on the next size up. Something within me winced and cringed, how could she want to try on a pair even bigger?! Couldn’t she just squeeze her feet into these shoes?!

But she didn’t seem to notice. She took a twirl around the shop and said the bigger pair felt the best. And I looked and they were great. Not too big or too small, just the size of shoe that she needed to fit her size foot. She showed me how buying the right sized shoe could be a simple act of meeting her own needs. That it was not a judgement or inconvenience, it simply … was.

The next week when I was ordering shoes online, I made the audacious step of ordering the “right” size shoes. You know, the ones that fit my size foot. When they arrived and I tried them on I felt a sigh of relief in my shoulders and chest. I could feel my nervous system exhale. And my feet felt comfortable; they could sprawl and take up all the space, rather than needing to be just a little pinched and tense.

It feels like a big metaphor and a practical example of unmasking; choosing the shoes which fit us the best, make us most comfortable, without worrying about and conforming to strange societal norms which we’ve picked up along the way of what is “right” but don’t actually fit.