A is for Alexithymia
ALEXITHYMIA
Within 3 minutes of beginning our first session, my new Psych was explaining Alexithymia to me. “Alexithymia is really common in Autistic and ADHDers - it is like you’re missing an internal label maker for your feelings and sensations.”
Right then I knew my months of searching for a Neuroaffirming, Neuro-understanding Psych had been worth it. I have been in therapy pretty much continuously since my first daughter was born 13 years prior - I love therapy, I think everyone should be in therapy - but I digress (I do that a lot) - and no one had ever mentioned this concept to me before.
I have always found it hard to say how I am feeling. To know how I am feeling. That feels strange to type. What I mean is that, when I stop and ask myself how I am feeling it’s usually … quiet. I’ve concluded / had suggested that I haven’t practised or been taught how to do this … that I’m dissociating … that I’m disconnected from my body, from myself … but no one ever told me that some people find this easier or harder to do. Which makes sense now that I know it … I mean, some people can roll their tongue or do a handstand or speak 6 languages or hold their breath for a really long time and … some can’t … so why wouldn’t some of us be able to do this and not?!
Except that you’ll see when you read back over the reasons that I had concluded / been told I couldn’t do this were pretty … negative. Quietly hinting that I wasn’t quite doing it right or wasn’t trying hard enough or needed to practise more or there was something wrong with me. Compared with when I learnt about Alexithymia which is a neutral, factual concept that illuminated that my brain may just find this really hard / impossible to do. People get their knickers in a knot about labels but I am all for labels when they help us understand ourselves more and better and in a more positive or neutral way because the world is generally, quietly but persistently telling lots of people that they’re a little bit wrong / too much / not enough / need to try harder / do better many many times a day. Which really mounts up over time to a pretty negative self image. Throw in RSD (coming soon to the Neurokin blog) and it is no wonder that poor mental health often plagues me and my Neurokin.
Chanelle Moriah (Allen & Unwin, 2022, p. 26) describes Alexithymia as “difficulty with identifying or describing emotions. It may feel as though there simply isn’t the vocabulary to describe how you are feeling, or as though you just don’t know what you are feeling.” Really interestingly she goes on to say, “Sometimes people tell me that I must be happy because I’m laughing but internally I don’t like the way I feel. This can cause me to think that happiness feels bad.” Yes! I experience this which I find really confusing. Or everyone else seems to be having a great time and that doesn’t match up with how I am feeling inside which makes me feel guilty and ashamed and more different and ungrateful.
Preece & Gross (2023, p.1) explain that the word Alexithymia comes from Greek meaning “no words for emotions”. They go into more depth and detail of the traits and deficits (academic papers have a long way to go in being Neuroaffirming!!). In the 1970s four core features were identified:
difficulty identifying one’s own feelings
difficulty describing one’s own feelings
externally orientated thinking style ie. not focusing attention on one’s internal feelings and thoughts
constricted imaginal processes ie. reduced daydreaming
Since the 1990s the fourth feature has been removed from the description of Alexithymia. This paper explored the field of daydreaming, mind-wandering and fantasizing (particularly as ways of emotionally regulating) and if / how these relate and therefore how Alexithymia should be conceptualised. The study found that “Alexithymia was associated with more (not less) frequent daydreams, more mind wandering, more daydreams characterized by negative emotion, more wish-fulfillment (eg. revenge, achievement, and sexual) fantasies, and more use of daydreaming to regulate emotions.” (Preece & Gross, 2023, p.4). It was suggested daydreaming can be a way of “avoidant emotion regulation.” (Preece & Gross, 2023, p. 5).
REFERENCES
Moriah, C. (2022). I Am Autistic: An Interactive and Informative Guide To Autism (By Someone Diagnosed With It). Allen & Unwin.
Preece, D. A. & Gross, J. J. (2023). Conceptualising alexithymia. Personality and Individual Differences, 215, 1-6. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2023.112375